Topological

It's been some time since I was thinking that I don't have anything inside me. All I have to do is look around me and all the things I see are inside me too. Or the times I thought I didn't have anything to say. Now I don't have any hesitation to talk for the weather. It took the biggest part of my life, many years to realise these things. It is not that bad, I was busy doing cool things that gave me satisfaction. But when you do that, you want more, it's natural. This can be a life, if you can support it. In my case, I couldn't. Then I had some really boring years. I had to find a way to entertain my self. My mentality was simple, practical, and people had started being complicated, with abilities to be very original and creative in their thinking and in the way they attacked life, and were being rewarded, in various ways. The good thing about my mentality, though, was that I wouldn't settle for anything fake, even with my simplistic reasoning of things. I was reading since I was seventeen all the geniouses of the centuries of literature, and although I couldn't relate to anything about those things, I had the experience of knowing them. But you have to relate also. What you aspire for is not in a different domain that you can just ponder while remaining your fifteen years old self. If you do that you'll just be your fifteen years old self. Also, that train has sailed. "After such knowledge, what forgiveness?" that T.S. Eliot says. So, despite my disinclination, I had to own up for some things. I had to believe in the visible world, that I had to be here for a while, and to the spirit, that I understand complicated ideas and communicate them. Also that both these things may not exist, at least in the way I perceive them, and that they deceive in their aspect. So, now, living like that for some time, I found the idea that poetry and art hold the truth and not the intellect, and that it is not a shame to admit that there is the reality of tragedy, so also a meaning, in life. Basically you are inside the Parthenon. Maybe act accordingly.